"Everything was a baby step, because there were only baby steps."
— Peggy Jean Claude

I had several steps in my healing process and every one of them was a baby step. In fact, some of them were steps backwards or I would stall completely and just sit there for a while allowing things to sink in and just getting comfortable with feeling emotions I hadn't felt for years.

Getting familiar with feelings you've numbed with food for years upon years is a hard process; my first instinct for a long time was to do what I had been doing all along, whenever it got uncomfortable I would want to go to the store, pick up my favorite binge foods and have a good old fashioned binge/purge episode. The truth be told…that's what I did a lot of in the early healing time. I would read about repressing my emotions and then repress my reaction and emotion and ease my pain by eating and throwing up.

In the beginning I felt as if I was running toward a goal that was so far away I couldn't even see it, let alone attain it; I felt like I was a hamster on a wheel just running and running and never getting anywhere.

I got discouraged, I cried, I hated myself for healing, I rebelled against myself and finally I accepted myself…with all my flaws, all my mistakes, my weight and my beauty…I got there, and I really believe that anyone who tries, anyone who wants to heal…can and will.

For me there were only baby steps and sometimes, there were no steps at all.

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step."
— Lao-tzu