Since words are weighted and people often have strong emotional reactions to words, it's easy to see how important, or how damaging, words can be in the healing process. This very thing was brought to my attention like a sledgehammer to the chest one day on a flight from Columbus to LA.

I was seated next to an ER/Trauma Doctor that had been at Ohio State University attending a seminar. We began to chat about medicine, health and inevitably, eating disorders. The conversation was going along swimmingly until she asked me what a good day was like BAM. It was like a kick in the chest. I had no idea the impact of one little four-letter word. It made me feel…well…I didn't know exactly what I felt but I knew that it hurt something deep inside.

After that conversation I spent some time really thinking about that word. The more I thought about how I felt about the word good, the more I thought about how I felt about the word bad, and I didn't like how I felt about either word. In fact, there were several words that I didn't like and I decided that I didn't have to use those words.

Most of the words that I came up with evoked less than pleasant feelings and can easily be replaced with more meaningful, less painful words.

Here they are:

Good — It makes me feel like I have to be good enough. Good enough for what? Good enough for who? I really looked hard for the answers to those two questions and found that they were grounded not only in my past family experiences but they were also heavily influenced by society. Besides, if I'm not good then I feel like I'm bad.

Bad — No one wants to be bad. If I've had a bad diet day then I feel like I don't deserve anything as a person except maybe punishment. The punishment cycle is what kept me locked in my eating disorder in the first place.

Deserve — When I use this word I use it in a very negative way. "I deserve this piece of cake because I've had a BAD day." Deserve what, exactly? Empty calories that I will regret later? A mind numb that leaves me even less able to cope? I don't deserve that. Or I would use this word to punish myself, "I don't deserve to be happy because I can't even seem to get my life together and get thin." Everyone deserves to be happy and healthy and to work toward their dreams, whatever they may be.

Punishment — There is no place for this if I am being gentle and forgiving with myself. There is never a place in healing for punishment, all it serves to do is keep you locked in your destructive pattern. The key word here is: gentle. If you are anything like me you've spent years beating yourself up. Beating myself up never got me anywhere productive; it got me on a starvation diet, made me weak, messed up my metabolism and made me feel even more contempt for myself.

Fat — Fatty, Fatty two by four… We all know the rest… I don't need to go there…

Fattening — The word fattening makes food become forbidden and creates a negative relationship between you and the cheesecake. Once the cheesecake is forbidden it is even more appealing than it was before, not a bright idea. Everything is okay in moderation and some food choices are simply healthier than others. Balance, it's all about balance and health.

Thin — Self-explanitory. Thin does not mean healthy. Replace this word with the word healthy or happy or strong or any of the other words you want to associate yourself with.

Skinny — Don't even go there.

Diet — If you look at this as a Diet it will not work. It is a healing process, not a diet. It is healing from an eating disorder not a quick way to get thin.

Need — I used to say things like, "I need a piece of chocolate," or, "I need to get rid of that food I just ate." HHmmm. Need? Need is a strong word to use in associate to a candy bar or a purge. The only things I need are food and water and oxygen, everything else is a decision, my decision. If I say I need something then it gives my power to the object at hand. It gives my power away to the chocolate or the binge. I don't need chocolate, fast food, to binge, to purge or anything else for that matter. I may want something, but it is just that, a want, a coping mechanism, nothing more. Using the word need gives your power away and weakens your stand. I don't know about you but I want all the strength I can have, especially when dealing with something like this.

Never — Never say never, all it does is set you up for failure. "I'll never throw up again." Be realistic, be gentle and most of all, allow yourself to be human. I don't know about you but I know I can make some pretty amazing mistakes in my human-ness. Instead try, "I'll try to throw up less tomorrow." It's amazing how changing the semantics of a sentence can severely lessen the impact.

Always — This is a great scapegoat. "I always end up throwing up after I eat too much." Uh-huh. All this does is help perpetuate the cycle.