What do you do when you're stressed out, anxious, nervous or just simply can't cope? Well, if you were me a few years ago you'd go the local convenience store, but a few packets of Pop-tarts, an ice cream sandwich or two, a donut, a candy bar, a bag of chips, some cola to help it come back up better or you'd do the fast food hop and drive to Taco Bell, order a burrito supreme and a soft taco supreme, drive to the pizza place and get a slice of pizza, go through Dairy Queen to get a Blizzard and then drive home, go into the bathroom, run the shower water so no one can hear you, vomit until everything is out, brush your teeth, hop into the shower to cleanse yourself from the disgusting episode you just had, kiss your honey goodnight, go to bed early with a good book to distract the feelings of guilt and disappointment that you let it happen again and vow that it was the last time and pray tomorrow would be different. Pray that when the sun rose you would somehow be transformed into that person you always wanted to be, the one that could handle life without needing a porcelain alter.

Does any of that sound familiar? It was my life for almost 17 years. Then one night, as I sat slumped on the bathroom floor with my chin resting on the rim of the toilet and looked into the murky water, I realized that I wasn't living, I was pretending to live, I wasn't feeling, I was pretending to feel and it wasn't a pretty sight. In fact, it was quite disgusting.

I finally acknowledged that I needed help and couldn't continue down the path I was on much longer. I was 30, had been bulimic for over half my life and if I didn't act soon it was going to control me for another 17 years.

When was I going to take my life back? When I was thin enough to cope? When I stopped throwing up? When magically I no longer wanted donuts at midnight when I had a fight with my husband? After this one last little binge because I ate the leftover party food in the fridge after everyone had gone and I was left alone to clean up?

No. I needed help; that much was obvious. That night on the floor of the bathroom was the lowest point of my eating disorder, and the lowest point of my life, there was nowhere to go but up. I was in the midst of a painful yet long overdue divorce, living in LA with two roommates, working 13 hours a day paying dues in an industry I didn't even care about, all the time wondering, "Who am I and what am I doing with my life?" I was utterly and completely lost.

I wasn't sure where to start but decided to call Overeaters Anonymous. It was the one of the hardest things I've ever done, in fact, it took me several days just to get up the courage to even make the initial call. When it came right down to it, I wasn't even sure I wanted to do it. I've never been more scared of anything in my life, I was afraid of healing because bulimia had been part of me for so long, it was part of me, I was terrified of losing it. "Hi, I'm Lisa, I'm 30, have long brown hair and am Bulimic, nice to meet you."

I had grown so accustom to being bulimic that I didn't know how to function without it. I was afraid that I would lose part of my identity if I got better. I knew that healing meant becoming a different person and I was afraid of who that person would be. What would she be like? What if I didn't like her? What if she didn't like me?

I also didn't know how to cope with anything without a half gallon of ice cream, some donuts and a trip to the bathroom. I didn't have any coping skills, just coping mechanisms and I wasn't sure I would be able to learn, I wasn't even sure I wanted to.

I finally made the call to OA and it was one of the best things I've ever done, not because I became a member and was able to use them as a support group, I wish I could have, but because I realized that I wasn't alone. I'll be honest, the bulk of my healing came from research, reading, trial and effort, not from OA meetings but I do suggest going to at least a few in the beginning. I really feel that it gives a good springboard to start from and it's a good support that's there when you need it.

The most important thing I learned from OA was that my Bulimia was about more than just throwing up. Before I had always thought of myself as a bulimic and not as a compulsive overeater, I didn't know they were tied together so closely. Bulimia is about the binge first and the purge second.

I learned that my primary issue was with food and it was a terribly painful thing to discover. It made me a compulsive overeater first and a bulimic second. It took away part of my identity and began to break down the walls that had been prohibiting me from healing. Once I realized my main concern was food it became both scarier and less scary at the same time. Scarier because it wasn't what I was used to, and less scary because it was, in the end, only food.

Another thing I took from OA was how important it is to have support through the healing process. Find a buddy, if you have someone in your life that isn't too emotionally attached to your eating disorder and is someone that you trust, and that person is willing to help you, by all means, use them.

If you do not have this person then I recommend going to a few meetings and finding a sponsor or someone else there that you can talk to and partner with. That person will be invaluable. Go on Craigslist and find someone, trust me, we are everywhere.

As I began to heal, my eating disorder actually got worse for a while. I hadn't expected it, I should have, after all, doesn't it always get worse before it gets better? It did for me. In fact it got much, much worse. My only coping mechanism for dealing with stress is throwing up, so as I was introducing the new stress of dealing with my eating disorder into my life, I was a mess.

The first few months were the hardest, I was throwing up more than usual, sometimes several times a day, I had no coping skills, behavior modification only went so far and I felt like a dope addict trying to kick a habit but the substance was everywhere I looked.

Hopefully this website will give you information I didn't have and help you through your healing process. Look at the bright side ... if you are reading this ... then you've already begun ...